I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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