Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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