My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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