there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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