My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
