Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
