I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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