not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
