So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
