Moan for me like Helen Keller
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
