I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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