We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
