i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
