Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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