please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Randomize
