He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
