They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
