You work out of a Hotel?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
