Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
