i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
