haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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