mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
another moral hangover. fuck.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
