Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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