Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
