Well douche your snatch and let's go!
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
