Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
