I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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