he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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