I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
