At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
