I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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