You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Randomize
