paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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