I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
