So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
