I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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