I can't watch pbs sober anymore
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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