she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
