Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize