my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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