Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize