I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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