That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
