girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
