You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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