the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
