Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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