Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
