Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
