Soap is not a condiment
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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