Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
