this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
