I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
