ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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