my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
