I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm bleeding and have questions
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
