dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
