Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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