I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
