As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
