she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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