Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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