i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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