i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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