why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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