Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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