I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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