Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
