I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Houston, we have a squirter
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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