I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
my mouth tastes like poor choices
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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