Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize