Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
