yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize
